The Langer Report

Gerolf on VG

At the Mandatory Pilot's Safety Briefing on day one, we were all treated to a riviting lecture on sprog adjustment and the use of VG when flying on glide by Gerolf Heinrichs. Gerolf wanted to persuade us all that flying with full VG, bar to the bollox, was not a safe thing to do when racing, and that really we should never use more than about 3/4 or at most 4/5 VG when on speed glide. That way we'd all arrive at goal safely... behind Gerolf! I suppose this must have seemed like a really cunning plan to Gerolf for knobbeling his rivals and winning the competition.

Manfred on Gerolf...

I had the opportunity to ask Manfred what he thought of this, and after thinking long and hard he summed up what every other pilot must also have been thinking... "Bullshit!"

Manfred's cunning plan

There is a ruhmer that Manfred flew badly on the first task of the competition on purpose (he came in 16th) to lure all the other pilots into a false sense of security. There is another rumour that he was just being a good boy and following Gerolf's sage advice to pilots not to pull on full VG. Either way, Manfred blasted into goal on Task #2 nearly an hour and a half ahead of the lead gaggle! The kid's not lost the magic!

Smile for the camera!
Coy comp couple, Carl and Jamie's relationship seems to be based on their mutual attraction to dodgy dentistry! Buy hay, who am I to judge? Jamie's got an ass that would crack nuts, and Carl is obviously a tough nut to crack, so perhaps they're well suited! (PS - that's a compliment, Jamie!)

Jamie Sheldon and Carl Wallbanger clearly share the same dentist!

Not sure what to make of this photo that was sent in by an anonymous snitch (thanks, mate!) but it appears to show Jamie coming up on Carl from behind with an enormous fist shaped strap-on!

Carl and Jamie - weird pre-flight fetishes...

Jamie waits for the Sky God to unload on her!

Carbon Fibre Sex Toys?
This is a little disturbing, but US pilot Dustin Martin came up to me and asked me to sniff the top of his instrument pod the other day on the Chabre launch, and asked me what it reminded me of? Well, all I can say is that it had a distinctly fishy aroma that made me wonder just what the fuck Dustin had been using it for? I was a bit afraid to ask!

Dustin Martin's fishy pod

A little later I spotted Jeff O'Brien standing on top of a van, struggling to pull a similar vario pod out of his pants, and then proceeded to have a play with it. The question begs to be asked - are these really hang gliding instrument pods or have the US team pilots been equipped with carbon-fibre condoms after hearing how rough the local girls can get? I wonder what the stall alarm sounds like on these new instruments!

Jeoff O'Brien with phallic vario pod

Scratch 'n' Sniff

Feu de la St. Jean (big bonfire party just outside the camp site) saw all sorts of mad antics, from Ti-Chi / Ti-Quan-Do dancing to bonfire jumping, to a lezzy couple dancing together and teasing all the boys, to a whole troup of drag queens rampaging through the party. Perhaps the scariest display was from Air Marshal Phil von Trueman displaying his personal technique for finding when fertile females are becoming receptive! Here's the evidence!

Air Marshal von Trueman sniffing Cornelia's pheramones!

Fallatio Falacy!

News has leaked out that French team pilot (Gian) Pietro Zin drove over 700km accross France for a blow-job when he was lured by the false promises of temptress Polline Popacondomon just before the French HG Nationals in Grenoble earlier this summer. Polline, however, speaks with a forked tongue (which under normal circumstances could prove quite stimulating!) and the only thing that Pietro received was a glass of water and a dose of cold reality... that women can suck as well as blow!

Pietro - up for it!

Polline - Blowing expectations!

FAI Romance

Scott Jorgensen(left) one of the official FAI observers at the Worlds stripped off on top of the Chabre to lube up on sun cream before launch started on Sunday. Kurt, (the other observer, middle) was observed to be getting a little excited and stripped off in front of Scott to show him what a Guatemalan jungle looks like, and got a little squirty with his own sunshine juice. Kurt was observed to be observing Scott with intent interest and visibly erect nipples! Cat 1 events are a great place to make new friends, bag'n'shag a few one nighters! I'm sure John Aldrich (the 3rd FAI observer, right) will be there each time they 'meet' to ensure accurate sprog measurements! For bonus points, can anyone blow up this photo and count the number of erections (or stiffs in general) between the three of them... and how many does each FAI observer have!?

Scott Torkelsen (DNK), Kurt Meyer (GUA) and John Aldridge (UK)

Level headed pillars of the FAI.

Hungarian Rapsody

Hungarian raptor, Kornelia (with a 'K') has a hungry look in her eyes for yours truely, licking her lips suggestively every time she sees me! The question is, will I survive a more penetrating encounter if I risk plunging in for an 'in-depth interview?' Rest assured, I will publish the tracklog of my exploration of the Hungarian Alps and the moist dark valleys of Terra Incognita! Kornelia has a clear preference for highly strung G-strings under her clinging leggings that are more than capable of launching your balls into outer space if they snap at the wrong moment!!


(BTW - I distinctly remember seeing camera flashes going off at the moment Kornelia buried my head between her legs while dancing at Ribiers - they were the last thing I remember before things went very dark! So... if anyone has the evidence, let me have it (and the negatives, please!)