Although flying with Ireland's lamest excuse for an airline, suffering Ruinair's torture flight to Marseille has got it's benefits. I find myself pleasingly wedged into the seat next to a pneumatically enhanced vision of sexiness in the form of a voluptuous maiden who goes by the unlikely name of Nurse Spank. I introduced myself by apologising for drooling on her over-stretched uniform and soon discovered that Nurse Spank is also travelling out to Laragne in her 'professional' capacity as head of the WAADA delegation for drug testing and 'dicipline' in airsports.
Unable to hold on for any longer, I made a quick visit to the loo at the back of the plane for some 'relief' and took the opportunity to look up WAADA's website on my iPhone, and discovered that their world-wide remit is "Dedicated to Taking the Piss out of Taking the Piss." Go figure that one out!
WAADA apparently stands for "World Anti-Anti Doping Agency" and my travelling companion is responsible for dishing out "correctional instruction to all those naughty pilots who don't have the required level of performance enhancing drugs in their blood stream!"
Spank's medical bag seemed to be bulging with an assortment of stimulants, uppers, Viagra, lubes, rubber ware, Rohypnol, tie-wraps and rectal probes... though the last few are strictly reserved for interrogating genuine WADA personnel to see if they are secreting any vestige of a sense of humour about their person. Ha! Lots o' luck!
Finding it difficult to concentrate on anything other than my travelling companion's gravity defying 'balcon' I mumbled something about being the head of the Irish Hang Gliding team, which elicited a girlish giggle "Oooh I do love head!"Hard... very hard...
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