The Langer Report

Feu de la St. Jean - Bonfire night

Photos are slowly reaching me of the antics at the recent Feu de la St. Jean bonfire party the other night. As you can see, all discipline and decorum was duly tossed onto the fire along with the wood and a few paragliders for good measure!

Horny devil, Swiss Nick (Roberto Nichele) tongues Comp Director Heather Mull - if he was hoping for a little punishment, he wasn't disappointed... the other photos are too frightening to be published!

Oh Julia, I've made you all wet...
sorry, but I have that effect on women!

Some guys get all the luck - Phil (no, really!) with Cornelia...

...while some girls just fall out of the Ugly tree

and hit all the branches on the way down!

Cornelia toilet trains Gordon

Straight from the horses mouth, this - When Cornelia went to the loo recently to release some pressure, she inadvertently barged in to a cubicle only to find Gordon Rigg already in there with a magazine and tissue paper in his hands, and his kaks around his ankles! After the mutual shock-horror of this difficult situation passed, Gordon complained that he couldn't figure out how to make the loo door lock (you lift the handle and twist the knob, for those who haven't figured it out yet!) so Cornelia came in to the cubicle with him and demonstrated the technique! Cornelia didn't mention whether this was before or after Gordon had finished his business! Cornelia's a broad minded girl, so I'll let you draw you own conclusions!!

Cornelia - Going to drive me crazy!

Toe Job

Skuffy O'Neill's (IRL) dream of winning the World Championships were shattered yesterday after he managed to stub his toe on the hidden stump of a bush in the grass while walking across the camp site, fracturing his middle left toe. I'd like to be able to report that this happened late at night after brain damaging quantities of alcohol were consumed... but it just ain't so! He managed this feat in broad daylight while stone cold sober! He crawled down to Sisteron hospital for an X-Ray which revealed the damage. So far, this has been the only serious injury of the comp - fingers crossed. As a consolation prize, the Irish team arranged to have Nurse Spank visit him to help lift his drooping 'spirit!'

Skuffy O'Neill...
Broken toe... empty bottle... broken heart...

Croatian dust-up

Alen Milosevic (any relation to Slobodan?) of the Croatian team was chucked out of the Worlds by his own Team Leader yesterday for crimes against the Worlds. Word has it that Alen was reported to the competition organisers for dangerous flying and then told his team leader to have sexual relations with his mother's syphilitic donkey (or words to that effect) after his team leader tried to caution him. Hay, if Slobodan couldn't avoid justice, who the heck did Alen think he was fooling? Dick head!

English Dentistry

Carl's mum (who avidly reads this blog) is a bit pissed off at the coverage I gave to her little boy's pearly whites in the last issue and wants to give me a Liverpool Kiss, according to Carl (similar to a Glasgow Kiss, but with a funny accent - basically she wants to nut me in the face with her head!) So, I guess Mrs. Wallbanger isn't too worried about loosing her good looks and a few more teeth when she leaves them buried in my skull! (PS - I asked Carl for a photo of his mum this morning on the way up the Chabre, for the blog... he nearly nutted me himself! :-)

Tinks

Tinks, Monica Barrett's girlfriend (sandwiched in the middle, below) came out with a couple of nice little drunken gems at dinner last night in a swanky restaurant in Mison - "What do a 9v battery and a women's bung hole have in common? You know it's wrong, but you can't help putting your tongue on them!" Expensive food and fine wine exploded out of everyone's mouths and across the table as we all dissolved into helpless laughter! She then went on: "What do a woman and a fridge have in common? - The both leak when they're fucked!" causing everyone to go into spasms of choking and coughing!

Tinks (the innocent looking convent girl in the middle)
with Monica Barrett and Jeff O'Brien

Death defying G-Strings

Last issue I was able to reveal the terrifying truth about the ultra secret Hungarian weapons division. As promised, my spies have managed to capture the evidence on micro-film and smuggle it out of the country so that the world may tremble at the sights I have seen and understand the extent of the expedition I will have to mount as I try to map the Hungarian Alps...

Underneath those tightly stretched leggings
is a G-string struggling to escape...
perhaps I can help!