Retrospective

When I first started writing the Langer Report I had no idea it would turn out to be quite so popular - It was really just a piss-take on Ireland's doomed efforts in the Worlds and an excuse to have a little fun at everyone else's expense! But strange things have happened... if Manfred can be knocked off his perch then perhaps an Irish world champion isn't quite as mad as it sounds! Anyway, somehow news of the blog leaked out and The Langer Report exploded onto the world stage like a teenager on his first date, and all of a sudden I had created a monster! Stories and photos started coming in thick and fast, and I barely had time each day to dream up enough scurrilous material to go with them all! I could not have written the Langer Report without the help of my tireless newshounds (especially Shaun and Swiss Nic!) or without the good humour of all the pilots and team leaders I sent up (I'll get Kornelia's G-string yet!)

I hope I managed to offend just about everyone, and I equally hope that I didn't hurt anyone by going too far - that wasn't the plan! I was most pleased to receive an informal warning from the FAI that I was cutting a little too close to the bone with one particular story (those in the know, know... those who aren't, don't need to!!)

Anyway, that's it for now... who knows where or when the Langer Report will rear its ugly head again! I'll be back in Laragne for the last week in August and the first week in September for a little personal flying, and hopefully, if we can get a team together, I'll see you all in Monte Cucco in Italy for the next Pre-Worlds and Worlds!

Final round-up of photos

I'm finally sobering up after one hell of a party... and reaching the bottom of the barrel for the photos and stories, so in no particular order...

Monster Paiella at Ribiers

Attn: WADA - Flip, acid house party animal!

Zippy gets a little pre-launch manipulation from Scott

Late night visitor

Carbon Katana

Fashion victim!

Phil & Cameron strike up an impromptu didgeridoo session
on a hammock stand in the Mison restaurant!

Lower... lower... harder... harder!

Monica: Why Not? ...because Scott would probably nut me!

Loading up.

Kill Bill!

Skuffy O'Neill & Geoff McMahon
Ireland's finest!

World Champions - Team Italy!

Jonny can't watch all his bunnies all of the time!

Jonny's not the only one with a harem of girls!

A playful sky on the road south to Marseilles.

Journey's end - back at Marseilles airport - heading for home
having survived Shaun's death-trap Landrover!

Looking up Katrin's highway to heaven!

The new ramp on the high south launch of the Chabre was built by volunteers especially for the 2009 Worlds, and was made possible by a generous donation from the Colombians - Thanks guys!

Kiwis & Parrots

While the rest of us were busy pulling birds at the Worlds, the Kiwi team were busy taking the bird in the mouth! I know I'm lazy when it comes to flossing, but this takes the biscuit!


Meanwhile, nocturnal wildlife from the Guatemalan jungles was also spotted larking around the Laragne undergrowth!

Kurt Meyer in tribal Guatemalan head-dress!

Training, Tactics & Dicipline

As Irish team leader I took my job reaaaaaaly seriously (as if you hadn't guessed already!) After deploying Manfred's sneaky tactic of flying really badly in the first task (and then blowing away the field in the second) I prepared Team Langer to storm the leader board by covering all the bases. First to go was Shaun's excessive hair do - with that shaved off, he didn't need to use a helmet as his bullet head would be much more streamlined than some poxy carbon-fibre lid.

I then decided to put him through Marine boot-camp... "This is my base bar... there are many like it but this one is mine. My base bar is nothing without me and I am nothing without my base bar... etc." and duely wrapped him and his base bar up in cling-film until he got the message!

To top everything off, I started feeding both Shaun and Geoff a high-fibre, ultra light diet of expanded polystyrene beads in their breakfast museli to make them lighter than air and help keep them up for longer. Ok, so that idea was only partially successful... but at least their turds were staying on top!

Turd in bowl: Third in goal would have been a nicer result!

I guess next year we'll just have to concentrate on flying!

Ireland Storms the Leader Board!

Ok, so the Worlds have been over for a few days and I normally leave these trivial matters to my junior editors (like Davis!) but perusing the daily comp results for casualties I see that top Irish pilot Geoff McMahon succeded in out flying the Hungarian world champion, Attila Bertok... or at least staying up a little longer while Attila went down in flames, coring the sink like a real pro! (Attila managed just 23.8km to Geoff's 39.9km) Way to go Geoff!!

Geoff magnanimously reveals some secrets to Attila on keeping it up in thermals... and then tells him what a 9v battery and a women's bung hole have in common... Geoff ended up wearing most of Attila's dinner, while Attila was hauled off into a corner for a quick Heimlich manoeuvre to stop him choking!!

The Irish School of Journalism

This has nothing to do with the 2009 HG Worlds but I nearly pissed myself laughing when I received this photo today! Thank God for human error - it really keeps us sane in a mad world! Perhaps now, readers can get an idea of where I learned my journalistic skills!!

This is the front page of a *real* newspaper in the west of Ireland!
3rd July 2009.

Gerolf and the DHV

Dispite Gerolf's ongoing beef with the DHV for being a pointless bunch of wasters with outdated and useless testing procedures who wouldn't know what to do with a sprog unless it came out of a sex toy catalogue... it appears that Gerolf is sporting not only a snazzy pair of stretch leggings, but also a DHV approved ass!

Gerolf Heinrics' DHV approved ass!

More chick on chick action!

Evgenya and Julia - I love it when they let me watch!!

Jonny be Good!

It's a well known fact that most of the world's top pilots change their wings and flying gear each season so that they have the latest hot ships for the coming season. Top Aussie pilot Jonny Durand seems to be taking this philosophy one step further and changes his batten bunnies too! Jonny must be hung like a red kangaroo because every time I saw him at this year's Worlds he either had a different hot chick draped around him or was eyeing up his next bit of totty! Go Jonny, go, go, go!

Jonny's current trophy bunny...

... and squeeze!

Jonny eyes up Blay's bird!

Jonny and Gerolf haggle over Jamie!

Jonny displays next year's eager beaver!

Two for the price of one!

...ok, so this last one just maaaay be his sister... but hay!

Oh sod it... one more of Evgenya derigging Jonny's glider

- just pretend Zippy isn't there!

Chabre2009 Exposee... on me!
Hmm... after taking a dig at the Worlds organisers in an earlier post, I see their blogger has been instructed to go rummaging for any dirt on yours truly! You can do better than that, guys! Read it here!

Happy Landing!
Mart Bosman was a naughty boy and forgot to phone his beloved Heather after landing out on one of the tasks, and was taken to task at the following morning's briefing. The question is, in whose garden did he land and what was he doing for all those hours to put such a big smile on his face... and why was his Heather mattress so cheesed off? There is an old and wise saying... Mess not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup!