The secret to keeping it up...

For rather longer than a possum can remember, Airbourne pilots have been world renowned in their exceptional ability at keeping it up in 'the rough stuff.' The Old Lizard let things slip recently when two viagra pills were found taped to an (as yet) anonymous Climax upright. Is this drug abuse or just a sign of an aging pilot? Who knows, but it would appear that the new REV will have a slightly modified upright to accommodate up to 3 pills. This intelligence was confirmed by one of the (Les) Bestt sources we could find!

Cuckoo clock needs winding up!

As pilots make their way halfway round the world to fly, many discover that jetlag is a funny old thing. Swiss Nick, a past (and he would argue, current) master of world travel, swiftly nodded off after rehydrating. His friends were very impressed with his capacity for 'oral therapy' but still had to finish off the bottle for him. After all, thats what friends are for... but doesn't he look sweet!

New Wills Wing prototype

I'm not sure whether to applaud Wills Wing's efforts to kit-out their pilots with the very latest gear and gadgetry  in an effort to give them the best fighting chance of winning, or to shake my head in dispare at their latest spectacular own goal!

Wills have provided their lads with the very latest, cutting edge technology in outback survival gear (see photo) in case any unlucky pilot should bomb out before reaching goal but it's clear that they really, really haven't thought this one through fully, for before any of the antipodean comps have even begun it seems that the handy bottle-opener attachment in this pocket armoury has been getting the most exercise! Sources report that a number of pilots have been suffering severe headaches after flying thanks to this bit of hi-viz kit! The Wills Wing tech guys are looking into the problem and are confident that they will have it sorted before the big guns get to fly with them!

Ice Maiden from the North

As everyone knows, every winning team has a strong guiding hand behind the scenes, managing and organising, pep-talking and teasing the best out of its pilots on the front-line. So much for Ireland's team chances in Oz with me stuck at home in the Emerald Icicle - what will my pilots do without me?!

Not so for the lucky lads from Finland who fielded Virpi, their latest entry into the 'new hot-shot' pilot's club. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, and Virpi was recently caught exercising her formidable management skills as she ran her new team of batten bucks through their paces. Within minutes of ariving at a pleasant coastal site, Virpi was seen cracking the whip and marshalling her team of assistants in proper order. The question is, will they harden up enough for the heat, dust and snakes of the Australian bush?

The Langer goes Down Under!

Although your Editor-in-Chief couldn't quite scrape together enough clams to afford to join the great southern migration of hangies to Oz this year (truth be told, I couldn't find any magnetic boots in the shops either, to stop me falling off the that part of the world while I'm standing upside-down!) and so it is that I find myself sad and alone on the Langer Report HQ Newsroom couch (scene of so many 'confidential kiss-and-tells'), pumping my electronic sources for stories from overseas and sunnier climes, while outside the cold wind howls and rattles the window panes as we endure the latest chapter in our Siberian winter... burrr! And so, from my frosty northern hemispherical roost I can but watch the continuing antics of our much beloved (and hopefully indescrete) Flying Circus Top Guns as they battle to be first to get it up in the Aussie thermals before the next guy takes them from behind!

For anyone not familliar with the Antipodes I offer this handy map of Oz that you can cut out and keep as a treasured souvineer:

A more contemporary map can be found below...


View Larger Map

S'funny, I always thought it was bigger.

With this invaluable geography lesson out of the way we can now apply ourselves to the slow trickle of dirt (I mean, edifying and illuminating stories of airial heroics and derring-do) that is already starting to seep out of Camp Forbes. I trust this trickle of news will soon develop into a steady, if not gushing torrent of 'good stuff' in the capable hands of Langer Report's growing pay-roll of 'foreign corrospondents' and spies..!... so start spilling the beans, guys, and remember, a picture is much harder to deny than a thousand words - snap, snap, wink, wink, say no more!